Random Vent

You know, I just realized how badly you treated me. It was always back and forth with you. One day you would be totally in love with me, tell me all these sweet things, and do anything to talk to me. But the next day, that would all be gone. You would all of a sudden "feel nothing" and just walk out of my life. It's like you don't realize how much that hurt me. I honestly think I might have been in love with you, and you just kept walking in and walking out. I can't handle that. You need to pick something and stick with it. I think that if you choose not to love me, I can deal with that. I can get over you. I can move on. Sure. But if you come back into my life, deciding to change your mind, that isn't okay. Because you know I'll give in to you. You know I would have you if I could. Now that I think of it, did you ever use me? No, I don't think so. There wasn't ever anyone else. Okay, so that's good. But you need to stop this. You don't make any sense! I thought we were finally over each other. We were really good friends. Everything was going great great great. I was super happy. Just friends. That's all I needed from you. I didn't need you in any other way. Then, one day, you started avoiding me. To me, that's sick. YOU DON'T DO THAT, OKAY?! And then you make me wait two long, hard months to figure out why you did that. I'm not even sure you were telling the truth when you told me why. You said it was because you really liked me and I was a distraction to you, so your grades were dropping. Is that true? Were you just telling me what I wanted and needed to hear? Did you just figure that this was a good reason? Gosh, I hope not. I really hope not. That would be so horrible to me. I didn't want you to like me. I wanted to be friends. I wanted to move on from all of this. So when you told me that you were avoiding me because you liked me, that made me just a little angry. I didn't want you to like me. I wanted to stop this. Seriously. But then you told me that your grades were up and we could be friends again. You seemed to be really happy about that. I said okay, talk to me on Monday. You agreed. And guess what happened Monday? NOTHING. Well, almost nothing. You walked up to me and said hi. Then you walked away. Yeah, thanks. So much for friends, huh? And then I didn't even talk to you again for a while after that. I only finally did because I had to. No, I wanted to. I had an excuse to talk to you again. And now there's nothing. People talk about you to me all the time. They bring "you and me" up. They won't shut up. It's like a joke or something. I just laugh it off, saying I've moved on. Playing along is always the thing to do. But what they don't know is that it hurts me. I have to think back to everything you said to me. Every moment we spent together. EVERYTHING. And I hate it. I can't say that I would erase the memories, but sometimes I wish I could. I know that if I did, I wouldn't be happy. I need to remember how you treated me and that I deserve better. I know I do. Maybe the lesson to this whole situation is that boys are confusing beyond control and I can't do anything about that. They walk in and walk out and I can't fix that. Maybe I just won't get too attached to anyone anymore.